Rushin' Doll (poem)

I had wanted to be 
your Russian Doll,
rushing in
back up against the wall.
Hair in disarray.  
Looking up at you while our mouths played.  
Your shoulders 
     they
never seemed so wide,
so beautiful.  Is his eyes.

Wish I had met you
in 2016's early Fall.
Now I'm dropping like an NYE ball.
I'm stuck watching & waiting 
anticipating, always hesitating
my gallop has slowed to a crawl  
...you've never stood so tall.

Go call your partner,
     I'd better call Saul.
Leave you to your milieu.
     Stop wondering of you.

Used to dislike him 
'cause he called me 'Beth'
then I ached to partake in a shared breath.
But my spot came out for a lady
with a family all Brady.
When there's nothing Mickey about you.

Telling myself it's an awkward inconvenience 
a ferried flight of emotion 
lucid dreaming at its best
A mind trip vacation
A distraction 
     from this life vest.
There are no rooms entombed in this chest.
     Or hotel.

I'm not a woman men keep at home.

Strangely, his face is one I know all too well.
Wanting your hands where they shouldn't go? 
I can't tell 
     what I can't say
but
if he loved me
for my very own soul

then there'd be no questions 

I'd already know.